Associating goals with a personal identity works for me. It becomes a North Star. Something I can always strive for and a source of motivation. Thinking of myself as a programmer causes me to program even when there is no reason to. I believe an identity is what you do. So, a runner runs, a writer writes, and I did the things I had to do to become those things.

If an identity is leverage on the way to success, then, like other forms of leverage, it can compound failure as well. Warren Buffet clarified Charlie Munger’s quote on leverage this way:

“My partner Charlie says there is only three ways a smart person can go broke: liquor, ladies and leverage,” Buffett said during a 2018 CNBC interview. Then came the twist: “Now the truth is — the first two he just added because they started with L — it’s leverage.”

Leverage is just a way of multiplying a force, so this makes sense. Identities can compound failure in multiple ways.

1. You want an identity that others decide. This one is common, and even though I know this is bad, I am not immune. I know that I would like to have achievements that come with recognition, and I know that I might not reach that. At some point, when I accept that, it might make me quit.
2. You want an identity that harms you to achieve. For me that’s being a runner. My knees and ankles can’t handle it any more and last year I was sidelined for months because I was too stubborn to give it up. I have since picked something more sensible to strive for: being “Strong”. I think I can ride that out for a couple of decades.
3. You want an identity, but not only if it’s easy. I worry that this is what is holding me back from working at understanding Spanish. I hope that my demotivation is that my plan is bad and I need to work on finding a better one.
4. You want an identity for money. I can’t say money is not in the mix for me, but I see people fail or give up doing things that they only wanted because of the money. I can’t deny that it does also seem to work for some. I don’t think it’s a bad way to get started, but most high paying activities only pay off to the skilled and that often requires work that isn’t always paid (or worse for this problem, costs money).
5. You want an identity that you don’t really want. For me that was “home owner”, which I thankfully don’t care about any more. This happens a lot to kids who internalize their parents’ wishes for them.

The main way these work against you is they turn setbacks into quitting. For me, the main way I check this for myself is by really asking myself if I want the identity for external reasons (like recognition or money) or if I want it because of the change it will make in me and for the fun of working at it. For self-esteem. Something I experience mostly in my own mind. Can I reframe what I call it in that way?

In some cases, quitting might be good. Better to fail fast at something you don’t want than to toil away at it for years. Even if you get it.